Am I On the Right Path?
I am a rule follower to the tee.
I go in the the door marked enter and out the door marked exit. If there are arrows designated for which aisle to go through, I follow them. Or if the checkout line is marked in a certain way, I follow that. As you can see, the rule follower in me is always looking to be on the right path. It feels like quite the dilemma to me to feel like everyone else is in the right aisle or following the right arrows except for me. It feels like I should be right along side them following suit in the same direction, in the same stage, on the right path. What is the right path? And how do you know you're on it?
“You are the only you there is and ever will be. Do not deny the world its one and only chance to bask in your brilliance.”
I don't know about you, but it is really hard for me to feel like I am not behind in some way. Maybe you are right there with me or maybe you are on the other side and you're ready to tell me to be patient with the process. It's a whole lot easier for you to say when you are on the other side.
You remember those timed multiplication tests we had in second grade? Man, did those things ever make me anxious. Who ever thought of those, anyway? Let's not just give kids a test, lets give them a timed test. All the students around me were finishing before me and it was difficult to not feel pressured to finish mine. But it was also really difficult for me to be fixated on myself because I felt like I was behind and just not fast enough or really smart enough to finish at the exact same time as everyone else. We all started at the same time so we should all be finishing at the same time. But everyone has a different pace and a different way of thinking. Some people were making their way through the test faster than others and others were taking their time.
But you know what? We have taken these speed tests and we have applied them into our lives. We have learned from a young age that life is a race, so no wonder we are all feeling behind in life. We feel others are ahead of us because the truth is they are flipping their paper over faster than ours. But the difference between this classroom and real life is that we don't always start at the same place. We internalize this belief of comparison from a very young age. I believe it started with our multiplication tests. Actually, the reality is it probably started way before that.
One of my favorite podcasters and speakers talks about comparison like this:
“Comparison is this nasty disease that plagues us as women, and I think the first step to curing something is admitting it’s there in the first place. We get nowhere when we compare ourselves to each other, we just lose the ability to proudly, confidently be us — contributing to the world in a way that is totally our own, in a way nobody can steal, or diminish.” - Stephanie Mae Wilson
All of my closest friends got engaged and married within a year from each other. And, then, they started their families around the same time. I was incredibly happy for them, and I cheered them on. But I had to remind myself often that I wasn’t behind. And that wasn’t always easy to do. The truth is that we are not behind. We all start at different times. There will always be someone who is more ahead of us. But that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. That doesn’t mean that you are not right where you are supposed to be.
On a podcast episode with Stephanie Mae Wilson, Jordan Lee Dooley compares comparison with running on a treadmill. You get on the treadmill. You are in between two people. On your right, there is a person who is in a different life stage than you. And on the left, there is a person who is more fit than you. It’s so easy to forget to stay in your own lane. You feel like you have to catch up. You find yourself having a secret competition with these two individuals who are just trying to do their workout. You want to be faster than the two people. But then you realize something. You are not in a race. This isn’t a competition. They were just keeping their pace. They might be wrapping up their run. They were on the treadmill before you. They may have been going longer than you. You mentally began a competition only to realize we all have started at different points, and we are at different points in our lives.
You have been planted and placed right where you are. You do not need to catch up. You are not behind. We are taught not to judge or compare ourselves to others. We each are in different phases and different journeys. In 1 Corinthians 12, we are reminded of the importance of our different parts.
The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles, some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit.
Life isn’t like a treadmill. In life, we have an end destination and main goal. To compare in the journey, we put ourselves in a line—but we need each other next to us. It’s about creating a community even if we’re in different places or seasons. We do it in all aspects of life. We all started at different places. That’s for a reason. It’s not fruitless. Keep running. Keep showing up. We will end up where we need to be. We are not in a competition with each other. We are in community with each other.
So many times, the Lord has reminded me that I am not behind. Literally. Daughter, you are not behind. You are on the right path. You are right where I intend you to be. I'm thankful for the Lord's patience. I'm thankful that He is ever so kind and gracious with me.
I need that somedays. Okay—I need that on most days.
It's just so great that the Lord doesn't see things quite in the same way that I see things. He has never said I was behind. He actually doesn't say most of the things that I say about myself or to myself. He knows exactly what He designed for me is happening and it is pivotal to Him that I see things from His perspective.
I'm choosing to believe Him in this...always.